I'm Always in this Twilight
by iwouldgetaniguana
Summary: Ever since Shiro's disappearance and Keith's supposed rise to leadership, Keith and Allura have been spending a lot of time together – but Lance will be dammed if he lets Keith sweep Allura off her feet when Lance has been trying so hard and never once succeeding. Five times Lance stopped Keith from "hitting on" Allura and one time he figured out why. [klance]


A/N: Title from Florence + The Machine's "Cosmic Love," which I totally picked for thematic reasons and not at all because it had a space word in it. 'cause psh, what am I, five? Heheh. Heh. *coughs*

Also shout-out to Shiloa who said nice things about my writing until I felt confident enough to finish this. Ily fam.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

 **1.**

Lance rolls over. Again. He _swears_ his bunk used to be comfy. He'll have to bring it up with Coran, before he loses too much beauty sleep. It's starting to get ridiculous.

For now though, he just rolls onto his feet, rubbing his eyes as the lights activate. Nothing for it, he supposes. He puts on his night-robe and slippers against the chill, slips out of his room, and heads through the dim, teal-lit halls for Blue's hangar.

He's nearing a junction with another corridor when he sees a flash of white dart past him – he jumps right out of his skin, puts a hand up to muffle his, uh... _exclamation of totally valid alarm_. His heart pulses through his ears as he flattens his back against the wall and peers around the corner, eyes sharp.

Oh. It's just Allura's hair. Lance lets out a breath and sags against the wall. But...where is she going?

Lance creeps behind – follows – _guards his commander's back_ as she hurries through the corridors.

Where even is this? The hallway is familiar, but Lance can't remember exactly – oh.

Allura walks into the Black Lion's hangar, and Lance ducks behind the entrance's arch, because, well. He wouldn't like it if someone caught him visiting Blue at night, either. He peeks in after her, though, as the white lights come on.

And catches sight of Keith the same moment she does.

"Keith!" Allura gasps, and Keith jumps, turning away from the Black Lion. "You startled me," she says, a hand on her chest.

Keith breathes out. "Sorry."

"What are you doing here?"

Keith...blushes? "I, uh –" he gestures at the Black Lion. "I was just –" Oh.

Allura sighs, shoulders slumping. "Me too." She goes to stand next to Keith, looking up at the Black Lion's imposing stature. A silence falls between them.

"I don't know what to do without him," Keith says, all of a sudden, and Allura turns to him, putting a – a hand on his arm.

"Losing someone you depend on and look up to..." she says. "I know how hard that is."

Keith's face twists, and he nods, and they just stand there looking at each other for... _several_ seconds...

Then Keith opens his mouth, and he goes for a not-very-convincing smile. "You know..."

A vice clamps down in Lance's chest, swift and fierce.

Which is a totally reasonable explanation for why he sprints into the room, panting. "Princess! I – uh..."

They turn to stare at him, eyes wide. Allura's hand is still on Keith's arm. "Lance, what are you doing here?" She sounds legitimately curious, and not like she was...caught at something.

Lance scrambles. "My room's control panel told me you were here, I... I think there's an intruder in the castle!" he blurts.

Crap.

Allura stiffens, then dashes to the wall, where she opens up a control-holo. In a flash, Keith's got his – his _Bayard_ out? What – why does he have that on him, just casually, in _the middle of the night_? Does he sleep with that thing? Could he get any weirder?

"What did you see?" Keith's asking urgently.

"The Castle's BLIP tech isn't finding anything unusual," Allura replies, voice the same. Like they're in sync.

"I...I saw, um..." Lance waves his arms around. "A flash of something, uh, white! It darted past me in the hallway!" Technically true.

Allura pulls up the security monitors. "Which hallway?"

"In, um..."

"Lance," Keith says, edged but unnervingly calm. "Did you just see Allura walking down here on your way to the kitchen? And get scared by her _hair_?"

"I'm not scared!" Lance snaps, "And I wouldn't mistake the princess' beautiful tresses for an alien intruder!"

Keith stiffens.

Wha – oh riiiiiiight. Whoops. "Or just..." Lance rolls back on his heels, shoulders hunched. "An intruder in general?"

Keith's mouth presses into a thin line.

Allura sighs. "Thank you for alerting us, Lance. But the Castle confirms there's no one here but us." She smiles at him – her diplomatic, _platonic_ smile, great. "I'm sorry for startling you. I know the Castle can seem a bit eerie at night –"

"Yeah, and haunted!" Lance retorts. "Remember that time it was _haunted_? You're really gonna take the Castle's word over mine?"

"Yes," says Keith, slowly. "Because it was just Allura's hair."

"You don't know that!"

Keith grits is teeth. "Yes, we do."

 _We._ Lance draws himself up. "You're acting like you don't trust me!"

Keith's lips part in a snarl, but then freeze. He breathes in. Out again. Looks away. "You're trying to make this into something it's not."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Lance demands, stalking sideways into Keith's line of sight. But Keith won't look at him.

"Paladins," Allura interrupts, putting a hand on Lance's shoulder. "We are all very tired. I suggest we get some rest before training in the morning."

Keith stands straight and nods, like he thinks he's fucking in charge or something. "Right."

Lance scoffs. "Right. Whatever." He turns around and marches out the door.

 **2.**

Lance shoots at the combat gladiator – it ducks but the beam glances of its shoulder, making it stumble, its staff listing sideways. Keith charges past Lance, slides into the opening he's left him, and slices the gladiator in half at the waist. Hunk and Pidge cheer from the sidelines.

"Nice!" Lance whoops, as the gladiator fades out.

Keith wipes his brow, turning to look at Lance. "Yeah, good one," he says, lips titling upwards and sounding, like, _sincere,_ or something.

The vice in Lance's chest comes back – weird. He opens his mouth to...to say something witty or –

"Excellent work, Keith," Allura says, coming up behind them with drink packs.

And Keith turns that sincerity on her as he takes one. "Thanks, Allura."

"Um, yeah," Lance snips, swooping in to take one as well. "It was a good _team effort_."

"You're right, Lance!" Allura replies, beaming. "I'm glad to see you're getting along."

Huh, right.

"You should do some training with us," Keith tells Allura. "Seeing as you, uh..." his cheeks turn pink. "Have to pilot sometimes too now."

Oh no, no, no, no. Nope. Training together is one of Lance's _own moves_ , and Allura's always shot him down, Keith can't just – "And how are we supposed to do that?" Lance drawls. "Allura's, like, invincible. She'd hand you your ass without even breaking a sweat!"

Keith frowns. "Sure, but to form Voltron we have to work together –"

"Oh _now_ we're supposed to be working together," Lance sneers. "Sorry, I didn't realize that last round was just a warm up. Silly me, I should have realized legs don't count."

"What?" Keith says, like he really doesn't know.

"Do not bring me into this, dude," Hunk says from around a space-goo protein bar.

Lance whips around to stare at his best friend, mouth agape.

"Sorry, bro," Hunk winces, like he _knows_ this is total and utter _betrayal_. He tries to hide behind an irate Pidge. "But I think maybe Keith has a point."

What is even happening anymore?

"Let's try an exercise with the whole team, then," Keith suggests.

"You can't tell me what to do," Lance snaps.

Keith's brow hardens with forced calm. "Lance –"

"You're not Shiro," Lance spits.

Keith balks, face going completely red. His voice scrapes out of him. "I...I know."

"Oh?" Lance jeers. "I suppose _that'_ s why you're trying to take command and getting all cozy with Allura? Because you know you're _not_ him?"

"Getting – what are you _talking_ about?" Keith asks, hackles rising.

"What am I _talking_ abou –"

"Guys! Whatever this is, can you not do it right now?" yells Pidge. She gets between them, but she's looking at Lance. "You're giving me a headache."

"Yes! Also," Hunk says, raising a hand, "I am also getting that headache."

"Tell that to Keith!" Lance protests, gaze locking on to Keith's in challenge.

But Keith just sucks in a breath and lets it out, hard, looking at the floor. "Sorry. I...maybe we should take a break?"

What the _actual hell?_ Lance almost recoils, nerves stinging.

"A meal might do you all some good," Allura agrees, glaring at Lance.

"Yeah, well, I'm not hungry," Lance says, and he storms away, barging out the door and stalking off down the corridor.

Hunk follows him, panting as he catches up. "C'mon, Lance –"

"What, _me_?" Lance whirls on his friend. " _Me_? _I'm_ the problem? _He's_ the one trying to –"

"Exactly, Lance," Hunk says, exasperated. "He's _trying_. Really hard. Because Shiro asked him to."

"Well _I_ didn't ask him to!"

Hunk gently takes Lance's shoulder, slowing them to a halt. "This one's not about you, buddy," he murmurs.

Lance swallows a lump in his throat. "Sure, yeah," he throws at Hunk, yanking his arm back. "'Keep it down, you're bothering the others, right?"

Hunk flinches.

So does Lance. "I – Ah, jeez, buddy, I'm sorry." He glances up at Hunk. "I know that's not what you meant."

Hunk gives him a small smile. "Yeah. Sorry, man. What I _did_ mean was that... Well, I know we're all going through a rough time, but Keith especially, you know? And that's not anybody's fault."

Lance groans. Runs a hand down his face. "Yeah, you're right, I know. I just –" He bites his lip. "Okay. I know."

Hunk pats his shoulder and leaves him be.

 **3.**

Keith's eyes are baggy. Like, _really_ baggy. And he's even paler than usual. Not that Lance is looking, it's just really obvious in the teal of the hallway lights. Especially since Keith's not even moving, just sort of...standing there, eyes vacant and unfocused. Lance had no idea Keith could even do that. And why is he doing it all the way down here by the storage units? In the last place Lance looked – _happened to pass_? Lance strolls up to him, mouth opening to ask just that, but before he can Keith glances upwards, sees him, and jumps a foot in the air.

"Argh!" Keith's muscles tense, stance dropping, but he deflates quickly. "Jeez..."

Lance chuckles. "Startled by my good looks?" he teases, lifting an eyebrow.

Keith frowns and looks away instead of rolling his eyes, or snapping back with a lame remark, or... _something_.

"Um," Lance's brain scrabbles a moment, "Um, hey."

Keith's gaze zips up to him, just for a millisecond, and then it's gone again. "Hey. Sorry for, um. Bothering you, I guess." And he moves to start off down the hallway.

"What!" Lance screeches. "So I'm just a _bother_ now?"

"Wha –" Keith turns back, brows pinched together. "I thought _I_ was bothering _you_."

Lance crosses his arms. "You mean by just walking away again?"

Keith frowns harder. "You're the one who keeps walking away, Lance."

"Maybe literally," Lance counters. "But metaphorically? Uh, no." He prods a finger at Keith. "That's you."

Keith huffs. "I don't understand metaphors."

"Shocking," Lance deadpans.

"Look," Keith snaps – no, _almost_ snaps, it's _like_ snapping, but it's not _enough_. "I need to go help Allura sort through the Blade of Marmora's information on Lotor, so unless you have something _actually helpful_ to say –"

And there it is, that _fucking_ chest pang again.

"You want helpful?" Lance puts his hands on his hips, juts out his chin. "Fine, I can be helpful – _I'll_ help Allura, and _you_ can go to bed."

Keith scowls. "Lance –"

"What, you think I can't sort through files?"

Keith pinches the bridge of his nose. "Of course you can –"

"Great – you can go take a break then."

Keith bristles. "I don't need to take a break."

"Are you kidding?" Lane growls. "Look at you, you're exhausted! You've been going non-stop! And you're having some serious skin-care issues, no offen –"

"I'm fine, Lance," Keith cuts him off.

"No you're not!"

"Yes, I am."

"Will you stop pretending?" Lance snaps, breathing hard. "Why would you be fine? Nothing is fine."

"I'm not pretending." The muscles in Keith's jaw work, clenching and unclenching. "I'm just... I'm fine enough. I can keep my head on straight."

" _Fine enough_ , what does that mean?"

"It means I've got it under control, Lance," Keith bites. "It means I need to go help Allura figure out this Lotor shit." He turns and walks away up the corridor.

"So what, she's good enough but the rest of us aren't?" Lance throws at his back.

Keith keeps walking.

"Oh, I get it," Lance thinks fast, calling after him, "You're trying to prove yourself to her? After that whole she-didn't-trust-you thing? And she's letting you because she feels so bad about it?"

Keith jolts to a stop. Freezes in place. Lance has never seen him so still.

Phantom ice creeps its way over Lance, like a blast from Blue in slow-motion. "I mean," Lance backpedals – "I just meant –"

"I know what you meant," Keith snarls, jerking forwards and marching off, never giving Lance a second glance. Or a first one.

He takes the turn for the training room though, not the bridge.

Which, good. Great.

Fantastic.

 **4.**

"But how is Lotor finding us?" Lance grunts, tail-spinning left to dodge a red laser blast. An immensity of white-speckled darkness spins in Blue's view-screen, the maroon planet of Onta flashing in and out of sight. "I thought we fixed that?"

"Maybe Lotor _didn't_ find us," Pidge pants, breath static in the comms as she swings Green around Blue and fires at the pursuing fighter ships with her own blue laser beam. "Maybe _we_ found _him_."

"Oh no," Lance groans, "Are you gonna make a Lotor-finder now?"

"Well duh," Pidge quips, then cries out as a fighter rams into her.

"Pidge!"

"Ugh –" Green rolls and fires another beam, blasting the fighter apart. "I'm okay."

"Everyone focus," Keith orders. "We can talk logistics later."

"The Ontujan's Extra-planetary Navy is taking off!" Coran interjects from the Castle-ship – it sounds like he's having a hell of a time under siege on the planet's surface – "So help will be there soon, but –ah, there is a problem. The Galra have taken control of the ground-canon on the moon, and it's started its power-up sequence!"

"How powerful is the canon?" asks Keith, charging the remaining fighters. They explode, short bursts of light against the black of space, but their main ship looms large in their wake as it closes in on the Lions.

"Powerful enough to take out the entire Ontujan Navy!" Coran wails.

The Galra ship fires at them, angry violet bursts, forcing the Paladins to scatter.

"Then we'll have to take it out first!" Allura decides.

"Okay," Hunk cries, "But that sure would be a lot easier if we could _form Voltron_!"

Because yeah, they can't form Voltron. They tried, Lance _tried_ , but it wasn't enough.

"We'll just have to make do!" Keith shouts. "Everyone, head for the moon!"

"And leave us open to enemy fire?" Lance retorts. "Are you crazy?"

"If you have a better idea –"

"Hunk and I stay here and take out the ship's long-range weapons," Lance insists. "You'll never make it if they stay online!"

"Okay, good," Keith says. "Pidge, Allura, with me. Let's do this!"

"Oh yeah," Lance snarls, "you just go ahead and give the order, don't worry about stealing my thunder or any –"

"Lance!" Hunk warns.

"Fine!" Lance sets his jaw and guns it towards the Galra ship, covering Hunk's flank as the others shoot past them towards the moon.

"How long until the canon fires?" yells Pidge.

"Two dobashes," says Coran.

The Galra ship's ion-canon starts to glow purple in front of Lance. "Can they even get there in time!" he panics, zooming in close and blasting through the canon's barrier.

"Yes we can!" Hunk asserts, panting into the comms as he rams Yellow head-first into the ion-canon. It crumples sideways, but then something else starts to glow and they look up to see a smaller auxiliary canon charging. "Oooohhhh no," Hunk babbles, "It's like the Weblum all over again! There are weapons everywhere up here!"

"How are we gonna take out the ground-canon?" Pidge grits out in Lance's ear.

"An explosion," Allura announces. "I'll fly in close and set fire to the power cells. Keith, Pidge, cover me."

" _What_?" shrieks Lance, careening away from the ship's auto-defense blasters and shooting ice at the auxiliary canon. "You'll get yourself killed!"

"I agree – it's too dangerous, Princess!"

"I'll pull up in time, Coran."

"We don't have time for anything else," Keith agrees.

"One dobash left –"

Yellow bulldozes into the frozen auxiliary canon, snapping it clean off the ship. Then his head swivels around as a new swarm of fighters appears. "Oh, quiznak. Lance – we can't let them catch up to the others!"

"On it!" Lance sends out a wave of ice, catching four of the fighters, but then there are more on his tail and he has to flip around. Something enormous lurches into his peripheral vision.

"Ohhhoho no!" Hunk cries. "Another ship just arrived! What do we do, Lance?"

"Kinda busy," Lance gasps, using Blue's tail laser to blow up three fighters in a row.

"Okay yeah, I'll – I'll get its canons," Hunk shrills, streaking off.

"They see us coming!" Pidge is shouting.

"I'll keep the fighters distracted, Hunk!" Lance bashes sideways into one of them.

"Allura, go! We'll take care of this!" Keith is yelling.

Lance activates Blue's jaw-blade and scrapes through two more fighters.

"Thirty ticks!" Coran reports.

Five fighters crowd Lance from below.

"Target in range!" Allura barks.

Hunk makes a sound like he's breaking his ribs. "Agh! Gotcha! Main canon offline!"

"Twenty ticks!"

Lance swats a fighter with Blue's paw, swinging around to bite another in half. The crunch shakes his seat, vibrating his bones.

"Shit!" Keith curses.

"There's a speeder on your tail, Allura!" Pidge warns.

A hiss, a grunt and a cry from Allura.

"Allura!" Lance yelps.

Half a tick of silence. Then – "Firing now," she declares.

"Five ticks! Princess, get out of there!"

"Almost there," Allura presses. A boom through Lance's helmet. "There –"

"Ground-canon disabled!" Coran shouts. "But it's going to explode! In two –"

"Fly clear!" Keith urges. "It's gonna be one hell of a –"

"One!"

A flash of light tears into Lance's vision from his starboard side – it looks like half the moon is on fire, but surely that's...mostly smoke... "Guys?" he squeaks.

"I'm fine," Allura pants. "So is Red."

"I'm all good," Keith replies.

"Ditto," says Pidge. "And no Ontujan casualties."

"The Navy has arrived!" Coran proclaims, and suddenly they're surrounded by bulbous green space-vessels firing crackling white beams at the two Galra ships. "And I'm getting some assistance down here as well!" he continues.

"Oh good," Hunk groans. "Now let's never do that again."

"Agreed – we need to figure out how to form Voltron," says Pidge.

Lance curses.

000

At the very least, the Ontujan know how to throw a good party. Lance is trying to be thrilled about it. There's a sparkling, high-ceilinged hall, lilting string music, enough bite-sized food to keep Hunk interested for years, and sandstone statues of lions and garsquignil placed every twenty decawums. Team Voltron is even standing in a place of honour next to the Ontujan Councillors.

"As the battle's Champion of Victory," Head-Councillor Ulloum says to Allura, her voice booming out over the crowd of pointed yellow heads, "the first dance is yours. Who would have the honour of accompanying you?" she asks, bead-like eyes looking to the other Paladins.

Allura gives Keith a surreptitious glance.

"Um," Keith stiffens, eyes popping out. He coughs. "I – I would be –"

"I would of course be honoured, Princess," Lance announces, bounding forward to step in front of Allura and offer her his hand. He glances past her shoulder at Keith, but he just looks away, and something twists in Lance's now-persistent chest ache.

Allura is glaring actual bloody murder at Lance, but still somehow manages a graceful diplomatic smile for their audience. "Thank you, Paladin," she says, taking his arm – _wow_ , she is strong – and leading him onto the mauve dance dais. A swift melody starts up behind them as Allura grips both of his hands in hers.

"That was bold of you," she tells him out of the side of her mouth, pulling him into a spin.

Lance follows her easily. "Why, Princess," he bats his eyelashes, "I'll always jump at the chance to dance with you."

Allura narrows her eyes. "Somehow I don't think this is about me at all, Lance." She yanks him forward and to the side, so they're standing shoulder-to-shoulder, facing opposite directions with their arms parallel between them – Lance almost bounces back with the force of it.

He swerves to stay upright. "What do you mean?"

"That," Allura intones, walking them in a circle around each other, "is for you to find out. My concern for now is that you are treating one of your fellow teammates with disrespect."

Lance bristles. "If this is about forming Voltron, it's not _totally_ my fault that we can't –"

"No," Allura interrupts, changing their direction. "It isn't. But you're not helping."

"I –"

"Cannot deny that your antagonism towards Keith has become downright aggressive, while he's done nothing to deserve it." She twists so that she's standing beside Lance, pulling his arm into the air.

"You're one to talk," Lance mutters. Then snaps his mouth shut.

Allura stares him down as they promenade around the edge of the dais, then lets out a breath. "That's exactly the point. I have already strained our team by treating Keith unfairly. Considering your rather protective tendencies towards him, I would think that you'd want to spare him more of the same treatment, particularly coming from you."

"I –" Lance frowns. "Wait, what was that?"

"Stop being mean to Keith," Allura summarizes.

"He's mean to me too!" Lance protests.

Allura levels her gaze at him, then trips him backwards into a dip. The world upends itself – Lance hangs for a second, eyes wide, before he's tugged to his feet.

"Why is Keith everyone's favourite?" Lance pants as the music ends on a low, sustained note.

Allura clasps his shoulder. "I had to examine my own feelings in order to realize that what I was doing to Keith was unwarranted," she says. "I suggest you do the same."

"Wait, feelings?" Lance asks as Allura walks away. He jerks around to look after her. "What feelings?"

 _Whose_ feelings?

 **+1**

The Yellow Lion has a nice hangar. Objectively, it's the same as the other hangars, but unobjectively, it contains Hunk.

Lance sits in a chair as Hunk fiddles with a small machine on the other end of a wide table. Hunk works steadily, gracefully, twisting wires and turning gears, every so often setting down a tool with a controlled thunk, never once asking Lance why he's here.

Lance stares at his knees. He rubs at his chest in tight circles, but it doesn't help any.

"I'm..." he begins.

Hunk looks up.

"A bad person," Lance finishes.

"No, Lance," Hunk says, with a ginormous sigh and a half-smile. "You're not a bad person. You're one of the best people I know. It's just that, lately, you've kind of been a jerk to one person in particular."

Lance whines. "I can't make it stoooooooooppp."

Hunk chuckles. "It's Keith. If I ever live to see the day he doesn't get a rise out of you, I'll eat one of Coran's three-course meals."

Lance whips his head up. Shifts to balance cross-legged on the chair and leans his hands against his knees, glowering. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Hunk raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

Lance glares. "It's not my fault he's so dense and! – and stubborn and egotistical and – and –"

"Okay, okay," Hunk surrenders. "Just...why is he a problem _this_ time? Focus on that."

Lance grumbles, crosses his arms over his chest. "I just...why is _he_ the leader? He's not any more qualified than the rest of us!"

Hunk shrugs. "True. He's just Shiro's favourite."

"Exactly!" Lance throws his hands up. "And why is he even Shiro's favourite! Guy can't come up with a good plan to save his life, what kind of leader is that?"

Hunk shrugs again. "The kind who was Shiro's first kid? Like, I know we all call him Space Dad, but to Keith..."

Lance groans. "I know, I know." He rubs his face. "The first-born is always the favourite."

Hunk stops working. "Lance." His voice is soft.

Lance doesn't move.

"Lance, come help me with this."

A beat passes. Then, sighing, Lance lets go of his face and gets to his feet. Hunk hands him a pair of wires. "Hold these," Hunk says. "Don't let them touch."

Hunk continues to work, letting Lance listen to the gentle klink, klank, klunk of things being fixed.

"Do you want to be Shiro's favourite?" Hunk asks.

Lance looks down. "I –"

"Or do you want to be _Keith's_ favourite?"

"I – _what_?" Lance splutters.

"Look, Lance, I know you." Hunk looks him dead in the eye, pointing a wrench at him. "You're always trying to get attention, and you're pretty good at getting it, actually, but what you're really looking for is a deeper connection, for people to like you for who you are. Like this," Hunk gestures between them with the wrench. "You were so eager for us to be roommate besties that you bothered me every waking minute my first month at the Garrison. And boy am I glad you did. But right now? Right now the person you're bothering most is Keith. In fact, as long as I've known you, whenever Keith is in the room, the person you're trying to bother most is Keith." Lance opens his mouth, but Hunk continues, "So just think about that, okay? I said don't let the wires touch!"

A shock zaps through Lance – lightening from his fingers through his chest to his toes.

"Um," he says, eyes huge. He can _feel_ his hair standing on end.

"Woaa-aaa-aah, you okay?" Hunk panics, grabbing the wires from Lance and hovering around him, checking for damage. "Oh man oh man please tell me you're okay. Do you need a healing pod? How are we gonna explain to Allura –"

"Hunk," Lance manages, shaking himself out. "I'm okay." He brushes a hand through his static-ed hair and grins at his friend's harried face. "Just a little...shocked."

"Hah," Hunk breathes, relaxing. "Good one, Lance."

Lance rubs his chest again. It helps a little, this time.

If only his goddam heart would slow down.

 **5.**

Lance sits in his Blue Paladin's chair on the bridge, fiddling with a new hole in his jeans. He knows Keith and Allura will show up eventually. And then he can...then he'll just...he'll just have to...

Fuck.

But there's no time to think of something better, not when they can't _form Voltron_ , so he'll just have to wing it. Yolo, right? If that's even a thing people on Earth say anymore.

He jumps as the doors hiss open behind him.

"...s ambitions seem to be vastly different from Zarkon's," Allura's saying. Lance turns his head to see her and Keith enter the room. Allura's worrying her lip, which he's never seen her do before, and Keith is looking at her, right at her, as she talks.

Lance's hand reaches up automatically to rub at his chest.

"And his methods," Keith is saying, now. "I don't like them. They're not direct enough to –" His eyes land on Lance.

Lance jolts to his feet.

Keith looks away, fixing his gaze over Lance's shoulder.

"Lance!" Allura greets, eyebrows raised, but smiling. "I haven't seen you on the bridge in a while."

"Yeah, um," Lance glances between her and Keith. "I've been, um...heh. Are – are you guys busy?"

"Yes," Keith clips, still staring over Lance's shoulder.

"There was something we needed to work on, yes," Allura says, but she sounds sympathetic, almost.

"Right, um, I figured," Lance scratches his neck, "But could I, like, talk to you, first?" He looks at Keith.

Keith's shoulders hike up. "I don't know," he says, not a hint of sarcasm, "can you?"

Lance gulps, tries to smile. "Well, let's see, shall we?"

Keith's nose scrunches. Allura nudges him. Keith frowns at her. She raises an eyebrow. He scowls. She stares him down. Several seconds pass.

Is...is this how the two of them talk now? Is Lance just...interrupting? Interfering?

Finally Keith huffs, crossing his arms and glancing over Lance's shoulder again. "Fine. But make it quick. Like I said, we're busy."

"Right," Lance croaks. And then he just takes off for the doors, striding through them and down the hallway, heartbeat in his throat. Great. Off to a good start. Lance makes himself stop, take a few deep breaths.

Keith comes after him. Lance can hear his footsteps – foot _stomps_ , more like, and turns around.

Keith stops then. He's still not looking at Lance, but his arms are at his sides and his muscles are taut, like they're facing off in an old Western showdown.

"Ha –" Lance gulps down a hysterical bark of laughter. Coughs several times. "Ahem."

Keith waits.

"So, um," Lance starts. "I realize things have been...it's not easy with Shiro gone."

Keith flushes. He grimaces, like he's going to say something, but doesn't.

Lance scratches his neck again. "And I've been sorta...um, exacerbating the situation. Not that I meant to! I just...uh..."

Still, Keith just waits.

"I just have been...um...but even so, I shouldn't have," Lance waves a hand around, "you know, so...so I just wanted to say that, um...I shouldn't have done that, and to, um..."

Keith is squinting at him. "Are you...trying to apologise?"

Lance jerks. "You say that like you think I couldn't!"

Keith lifts an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah? Well, get ready to be proven wrong, _again_ , I'm a regular–"

"Okay fine!" Keith says, suddenly crossing his arms and turning his head away. "Fine. You apologized. Great. Uh – thanks, I guess. I...appreciate the effort so that we can form –"

"Wha –" Lance's jaw drops. " _Appreciate_ the _effort_?" he screeches. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Keith flinches, blushing again. "I –"

"You're really just gonna let me get away with it?" Lance demands, flinging his arms wide. "You're not gonna _say anything?_ I've been a total asshole to you at every opportunity for _weeks_! And you're not even gonna _fight_ me on it?"

Keith purses his lips, says nothing.

"You –!" Lance exclaims. "Who even _are_ you anymore?"

Keith grips his arms tightly where they're crossed.

"At least I'm being honest!" Lance goes on, breath starting to come fast. "At least I'm speaking my mind, or making – _some sort_ of effort here, and you're just – since when do you hold back? Since when does Keith Akira Kogane back down from a fight?"

"We're not supposed to be fighting!" Keith snaps, actually snaps, and Lance feels a spark flare in his ribcage.

"Well we are!" he retorts, stepping forward and crowding Keith's space. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"Stop being childish!" Keith growls.

"And since when are you the adult!"

"You _know_ since when, Lance!" Keith bellows, throwing his arms out with enough force that Lance stumbles back. "I don't care if you don't like it! You _know_ what I have to do and if you would stop being a self-centered dickhead for _five seconds –_ " and Lance feels the spark ignite, chasing down his limbs like a power cable being plugged in, because Keith's head is forward, his fists are clenched, and he's finally glaring right. at. Lance. Right at him, square in the eyes.

"Oh, _I'm_ the self-centered one?" Lance yells, glaring right back. "I'm not the one ignoring everyone else, Keith!"

"I'm not ignoring –"

"Well everyone except Allura!" Lance amends. "You won't even give me the time of day!"

" _That's_ what this is about?"

"This is _about_ ," Lance says, "How you turned into a different person overnight! Last time Shiro went missing, you got yourself kicked out of the Garrison! And now you're just...you just shut down all the time!"

Keith fumes. "So what?"

" _So what?_ Are you hearing yourself? This is not okay!"

"I told you! I've got it under control!"

"Will you stop saying that?" Lance grips his own hair. "When have you ever had your emotions under control? What if you're having an emotional crisis right now, and you just don't know it!"

"That doesn't _matter_!" Keith roars.

" _What do you mean, that doesn't_ –" Wait. Wait, hold up, _what_. The fight leaks out of Lance like a dying battery. "Keith," he tries to dial back his volume. "Why would that _not_ matter?"

"Because I have to lead!" Keith repeats, still flustered. "I have to stay focused!"

Something clicks, and Lance's breath hitches. Oh. Oh, man.

 _I can keep my head on straight._

 _We're not supposed to be fighting._

 _I have to stay focused._

That doesn't sound like Keith, not at all, but it does sound like _Shiro_. _He's trying_ , Hunk had said, and shit – firstborns are always the parent-pleasers, too, aren't they?

Lance breathes out, exhaling past his lips long and loud, as obviously as he can. Keith eyes him warily, knees still bent for a fight.

"Remember the Beta Traz heist?" Lance asks.

Keith stares at him, blinking. "What does _that_ have to do with anything?"

"On the way back," Lance continues, "after jumping through all sorts of hoops to make Slav more comfortable, Shiro finally lost it. Totally blew up at him when he mentioned the teludav."

Keith blanches. "What?"

"Yeah," says Lance. "I mean don't get me wrong, dude's annoying, but it was like Shiro had never met someone with OCD before, I felt kinda bad."

Keith is frozen.

Lance fidgets. Looks at the floor, at the ceiling, at Keith, at the wall. At Keith again. "We didn't think less of him for it, you know. Me and Pidge. We were a little surprised, sure, but…that was fine. He was under a lot of stress and, like, no one's perfect."

Keith's expression trembles, the edge of a precipice. Lance glances at his fists, and they're shaking.

"You can trust us," Lance says, quiet. "Not just Allura, all of us."

Keith lets out a choked sound. Swallows and looks away. Blinks rapidly for a moment. Lance's throat constricts, and he has to swallow a few times, too.

He rallies himself. "This is affecting all of us. I mean, I know probably you more than the rest of us. But we _all_ miss Shiro. And that _matters_. We should deal with it together, as a team."

Keith's eyes snap back to Lance. "So this is _your_ attempt at team leadership, then?" he rasps, glare back full-force.

"I – you know what, maybe it is!" Lance exclaims, accidentally at full volume again. "Is it such a terrible idea? Your go-it-alone method is clearly crap and we _all_ have shit that we're dealing with –"

"So, what?" Keith all but throws his hands up, his voice raising, too, "You want – you want to have a team mind-meld? So we can all invade each other's privacy and feel shitty together?"

"Maybe I do!" Lance shouts, pointing at him. "Maybe that would be great!"

Keith's arms fall to his sides. "It would?"

Lance clicks his tongue. "What, it surprises you to learn that I'm a touchy-feely person, _really_?"

"You think an idea _I_ came up with," Keith clarifies, "would be great?"

"An idea _I_ helped –" Lance starts, stops. "Yes, see, look at this!" He bounces, gesturing between them, " _Look at this_."

" _What_?" Keith huffs.

" _Uh_ – we make a good team, remember?" Lance enunciates.

Keith's eyes widen, and he pauses, crossing his arms again. "I thought you didn't like that."

Lance's whole face burns, full-scarlet. "I mean you're still a dumbass," he blurts. Shifts his weight. "But...what, a guy can't change his mind?" he fires back.

Keith studies him. Lance keeps eye contact, as committed as he can, trying not to curl in on himself. Then Keith snorts. His lips curl up a little. "Sure you can, cargo pilot."

Lance splutters, but his cough of surprise turns into a grin. "Whatever, drop-out."

"At least I'm not a terrible flirt," Keith counters, smirking.

"You are though," Lance chuckles, floating. "Just, _actually_ terrible at it."

Keith lets out a little laugh of his own, and the ache in Lance's chest changes – it's worse but also better, pulling at him.

"I can't believe _you_ were trying not to be emotional..." Lance teases. "'s like an oxymoron."

"Are you just going to mouth off some more?" Keith asks, still smiling, "Or are you going to make good on your word?"

"Which one?" Lance asks back. He says a lot of them.

Keith rolls his eyes. "About being a team. There's still that thing I have to do on the bridge. You in?"

"Oh." Lance's grin stretches wide across his face. "Hell yeah, Mullet-head. You know it."

"C'mon then," Keith says, waving for Lance to follow as he walks down the hallway.

And Lance follows.

He does make sure to catch up so that he's walking beside Keith instead of behind him, though.

When they enter the bridge, Allura whirls around, eyes flitting between them, shoulders tight and smile strained. "Paladins!" She clears her throat. "How are...things?" She gestures vaguely.

Keith smiles back at her, shoulders relaxed. "Fine. Actually, Lance just offered to help me take a look at those planet stats, Allura, so you can get some sleep, if you want."

Allura lets out a long breath, and her smile eases.

" _Reading stats_?" Lance wails, " _That's_ what we're doing?"

Allura gives him a pitying smile. "Pidge just installed the Lotor-finder yesterday. We managed to run a translation for the information on the planets it identifies, so with any luck you shouldn't have any problems analyzing them. Well – no more of a problem than we usually have with our outdated information."

"Awwww," Lance slumps and narrows his eyes at Keith. "I thought we'd be doing cool stuff."

Keith smirks at him. "Oh? Not up for it, then?"

Lance smirks back, spine straightening and stomach lifting into free-fall, like he's flying. "Psh, whatever, Mullet, I bet you fall asleep before I do."

"You're on."

Allura positively beams. "I'll leave it to you two, then. Goodnight!" And she _winks_ at Lance on her way out.

Well. That's mortifying.

Keith, totally oblivious – typical – just walks over to stand at the helm, bringing up the star map. The bridge lights dim as clusters of pin-prick light surround them. When Lance comes up to stand at the controls too, Keith moves over to make room for him.

"So..." Lance coughs. "How do we do this, exactly?"

With a wave of his hand, Keith opens a program, and several star systems become marked with a purple triangle. Keith zooms in on one of the systems, encasing them in stars until Lance can see a large planet that seems to be the target. With another wave, Keith brings up an enlarged model of the planet, which rotates red soil and green jungle before them, with a window listing stats on one side, and a window with an encyclopedic-looking entry on the other. "Now we go through this mess," Keith answers.

"Gross," Lance grumbles.

"Yep," Keith agrees.

"I hate studying." Lance lifts an eyebrow. "Wait, so, this is a two-person job because you and Allura were just going to, like, take turns reading aloud to each other?"

Keith levels him a deadpan stare, which, yeah, okay, fair. Lance smiles sheepishly and Keith rolls his eyes. "We were also going to talk about how we might deal with battle conditions on the planets, and what sort of diplomatic situations to expect with local populations," he explains.

"Oh," Lance says. His shoulders hunch forward, a little. "I guess that's harder to do with me here, instead."

Keith blinks at him. "Why? You're good at that stuff."

A burst of sunshine fills Lance's stomach, and he has to bite his lip to keep it from spreading all the way up to his face.

"Could take a while, though," Keith grins. "Still think you're up for it?"

Lance scoffs, cocks his hip dramatically. "Of course. How many planets we got?"

Keith checks a corner icon. "One hundred and seven."

"Quiznak." A thing occurs to Lance. "So...we're, you and I, gonna be here, together, alone, all night, under the stars?" he squeaks – _intones in a higher than normal but still very attractive frequency_.

Keith shrugs. "Yeah basically."

Lance clears his throat – the, um, _high frequency_ remains. "Right. Cool."

Keith quirks an eyebrow. "I thought you said this _wasn't_ going to be cool?"

And Lance has called Keith dense a lot of times before, but _damn_.

Lance makes a grab for the stats window to hide his face, but it doesn't move. He tries again, but his hands pass through the hologram like they're...well, a less-high-tech non-motion-sensey hologram. Lance curses. "Come on...stupid...thing."

Keith snorts. "It's just not used to how you move. It's programmed for Allura's patterns of motion, the same way the controls at our chairs are learning ours."

Lance sighs. "Great." He rallies. "Whatever. If you can figure it out, I'm sure I can." He goes back to fiddling with the holo-screen, but grasps at nothing but air.

Keith waits him out.

"Okay fine," Lance huffs. "What's the secret technique?"

Keith smiles, a little. "Just use the tips of your fingers," he says. He puts his fingertips on the stats window and slides it easily towards Lance.

"Like this?" Lance sticks two fingers into the window for the encyclopedia entry, jerks it to the side, but the screen stays put.

"Smoother," Keith says, "Like this." He takes Lance's hand and grabs his fingers, gliding the screen to the side with a roll of Lance's wrist.

Lance gulps, his whole hand tingling. "O-okay. Yeah." He clears his throat as Keith pulls back. Stretching his fingers, Lance drags at the window again.

Nothing happens.

"A bit too slow," Keith instructs. "Try again." And even though he's using Shiro's voice again, this time it seems, like...almost...

Super adorable?

Lance shakes himself. "Okay. Here we go. Go-time." He places his fingers on the encyclopedia entry again, carefully flicks it across to where he's standing.

It works.

"Yes!" Lance pumps his fist, sees Keith's lip twitch out of the corner of his eye and tries not to fall flat on his face. "Okaaay," he says, leaning against one of the Castle-ship's control sticks and looking at the entry. "Mostly mountains, lots of canyons – ha, I'll race you!"

Keith snorts.

"I wonder how –" Lance taps his fingertips to the hologram of the planet, at diagonal points like he's seen Allura do. One part of the planet's red surface gets bigger, filling a new window. "Alright, we are in business!" Lance peers at the overhead view of deep, rocky gullies. "I hope you're ready for some sharp turns, Keith, this looks wild."

"Right," Keith drawls.

"Wait what's this?" Lance presses an arrow-shaped holo-icon on the far left, and suddenly the screens displaying the planet and all its information are gone, replaced with a framed view from the bridge's windows, showing a translucent path marked with arrows that stretched ahead of him into space, like when he's following a programmed path on Blue. But there's a ticker in the corner, so that must mean... "Oh-ho! A simulator!"

Keith groans, face in his hand.

Lance titters with glee, putting both hands on the control sticks. "Let's take this baby out for a spin!" He rolls his palms forwards, and the view of the surrounding stars on the screen snaps forward too, then careens sideways. He yanks his hands backwards in an attempt to break, but the screen shakes and a red bar of Altean flashes across it.

Lance would recognize a "Simulation Failed" message anywhere. "Oh yeah?" he taunts. "We'll just see about that. You said smoother, right Keith?"

Keith hums.

Lance keeps his hands steady and tries again. Another tailspin. Again. A whole five hundred decawums before he loses control. Finally, Lance manages to keep a steady pace along the arrows, skimming a purple blotch of nebula through their current galaxy.

"I think I'm getting it!" Lance crows. "Ha, at this rate, I'll be able to pilot this ship in no time!"

"Psh," Keith chuckles, voice low. "Sure."

"Oh, yeah? Allura will be asking me to be her co-pilot in no time, you just watch, hot shot."

"...Hot shot is kind of a compliment," Keith mumbles.

Lance feels his face ignite but presses his lips together so he won't deny it. "Mmmmmm." He exits the simulator and the planet they were looking at pops back up. He brings the stats screen over. "Ooooookay, what do we have here? Low atmosphere, high gravity – how does that even _work_? Whatever – that would make battle on or too close to the planet's surface difficult for all parties involved, huh?"

Keith says nothing.

"Jeez Keith, I know I'm the brains here, but –" Lance yelps as something heavy falls against him. Something warm and mulleted and – Keith? Keith's side leaning into Lance, Keith's head on Lance's shoulder, Keith's chest, rising and falling into him.

Is he – _asleep?_ Standing _up?_ Who the fuck even does that – who does Keith think he is? That he can just sleep on other people's shoulders whenever he wants? That he can just work himself to exhaustion so much that he literally falls asleep _standing up_ like a moron?

Lance shifts his stance and readjusts Keith so that they're not in danger of falling over, heat radiating off his face. "You are lucky that I am a magnanimous, self-sacrificing individual who looks out for my teammates," he hisses at Keith. "Or I would dump you on your ass right now."

Keith breathes in. Out again. The ache in Lance's chest gets more worse-better.

"This means I won our bet, by the way," he points out. Keith goes on sleeping.

And the more ticks that pass that Keith stays there, trusting his weight to Lance, the more Lance feels that win.

Or, not winning. Not really. Feels similar though.

Maybe that's why he was so confused.

"I'm gonna make so much fun of you for this," Lance decides, smiling down at Keith. "You fell asleep during our bonding moment, that's worth _at least_ a solid week of teasing."

Keith breathes in, out again, on Lance's shoulder.

"Yeah," Lance beams.

000000000

A/N: Lance just casually knows Keith's middle name, it's not even a big deal, what?

This took me an embarrassingly long time to write, so I'd love to hear what you thought of it!

ALSO, IMPORTANT TO NOTE: My very basic research and understanding of OCD has led me to believe that it's possible Slav has it (or, an alien version of it), but I am not at all an expert so who even knows. I don't think Lance is an expert either, so I believe the comparison is appropriate, but please do let me know if I've made a blunder here. Also, I didn't mean to say by the paladin's understanding of Shiro's snapping at Slav that it's okay to treat people's OCD that way (it's not), but really meant that Shiro needs a fucking nap and has some character flaws but his family still loves him. Again, please let me know if the way I put this is hugely problematic.


End file.
